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I found it hard to say NO.
Growing up in a culture where respect to authority figures and hierarchy meant saying yes to everything and pleasing everyone, it was very hard for me to say no to anything. I did not know confrontation. I could not articulate what I wanted without feeling that I was being a burden, or overly demanding, so instead, I became overly understanding, extremely aware of others needs (and not my own) and unconsciously aimed to please everyone even if it meant I was unhappy.
Boundaries? What was that word?
I couldn't understand what it even meant when I first came across the concept. Why would you need to set any boundaries, when you could just do it all or atleast think you were doing it all.
It took me a VERY long time to realise that boundaries start making sense only when you start VALUING yourself. When you understand your own self worth, feel that you deserve to be treated properly and are aware of what YOU actually want. Not what others want.
What others wanted from me is what I had wanted from myself and I was oblivious to what that was doing to me - mentally & emotionally.
It took me years to de-couple the two and come up with the basic version of what I actually wanted. Only after that I started understanding boundaries and how powerful they actually are. I finally understood that:
That boundaries meant knowing what I wanted and don’t come from a place of entitlement
That boundaries HELP build healthy and happy relationships, and are not going to spoil any relationships.
That boundaries communicate VALUES and how I would like to be treated and not that I want someone out of my life, or want to create an unnecessary conflict.
That boundaries are needed to feel SAFE & they PROTECT us from people, places, energies that we do not want in our lives.
That boundaries meant that I could say NO to something if I did not want to do it and not that I would not lose out on love or respect from people around me for saying no.
It took me a while to really understand that boundaries have psychological and emotional benefits, and actually provide the structure and freedom necessary for a balanced and fulfilling life. I learnt to say "no" without guilt and set realistic expectations at work. I started feeling so much better about myself. I realised how protecting my personal space, helped me create room for joy, creativity and protected my mental space. It was not easy, but it helped me lead a much more authentic and balanced life.
Boundaries are essential for self-care, personal growth, healthy relationships, and overall well-being. They empower us to set limits, communicate our needs, and create a balanced and fulfilling life. By establishing and maintaining boundaries, we protect our physical and emotional well-being, enhance our productivity, and cultivate healthier and more satisfying connections with others.
So now I tell myself:
Boundaries are healthy
Boundaries are safe
Boundaries mean love
Boundaries are amazing
Boundaries mean respect
Boundaries help me
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